Curiosity
“The only correct response to new information is curiosity, anything else is about you” Naomi Stadlen
The following collated from the ddp network
With curiosity we are trying to show we simply wish to understand.
If an adult can stay curious about why their child is behaving as they are, the child and adult are less likely to feel cross or frustrated. As curiosity is non-judgemental, this can help the child to be open to how she, and other people, are thinking and feeling.
Curiosity, without judgment, is how we help children become aware of their inner life, reflect upon the reasons for their behaviour.
Curiosity lets the child stay open and engaged in conversations.
Curiosity involves a quiet, accepting tone
“What do you think that was about?” Or “I wonder what…?” without anticipating an answer or response from a child.
This is different from asking the child, “Why did you do that?” with the expectation of a reply.
Children do not always consciously know why they did something or are reluctant to tell adults why.
Being curious can include an attitude of being sad rather than angry when the child makes a mistake. A light curious tone and stance can get through to a child in a way that anger cannot.
You might make guesses about what a child may be thinking and feeling, saying this aloud, and keeping it connected to the present. It can be about having a conversation, almost with yourself, with the child in the room, without anticipating a response.
Children then start to reflect upon their own inner life and start to understand themselves. As the understanding deepens, the child can discover that her behaviour reflects a thought, feeling, perception, or motive that was stressful, frightening, or confusing and could only be expressed through her behaviour.
As the child communicates this to the adults, the need for the behaviour may reduce, and with that the behaviour itself. The child’s feelings about the behaviour may change, with less defensiveness and shame leading to less of the behaviour.
